Deciphering the Language Barriers Between Mars and Venus

Women are confusing creatures. Growing up with a higher male ratio than women ratio, I saw the games that women play and was confused by them. Although I would prefer to keep it short, sweet, and no games, that’s not what you males want! You want the chase, the feeling of “capturing your prize”.  Your inner testosterone wants to be able to throw your caveman arm around what’s “yours”, possibly beat your chest, and show everyone else that you have won.  So then, we women, as confusing as we are, are stuck with the cycle generation to generation of confusing the shit out of you and trying to get what we want.

If she hasn’t been “Friend Zoned”, and you’ve never seen an XBox in her apartment, she’s playing a game

So how do you get the girl?

One of my favorite quotes I often reference pertaining to women and men is from My Big Fat Greek Wedding. Coming from a very ethnic Eastern European proud family, I relate to that movie more than I would like to admit. From the cheek pinching to the “Why don’t you wear more mascara?” quotes (YES mom that’s towards you), I might as well give my next boyfriend a copy of the video and make him watch it as a “WARNING” . This quote comes from the scene where the main character, Toula, is learning her mother’s ways of Game Playing. Although Maria Portokalos has the traditional marriage and let’s her husband be the head of the household, she isn’t as dumb as she plays.

Toula Portokalos: Ma, Dad is so stubborn. What he says goes. “Ah, the man is the head of the house!”
Maria Portokalos: Let me tell you something, Toula. The man is the head, but the woman is the neck. And she can turn the head any way she wants.

And there you have it. Generation to generation, we learn to play games. We learn them from our mother, and she learned it from her mother. If you want a “How To” on Women, you aren’t going to get it. I suggest you e-mail your best gal pal, and ask to decipher your next target’s messages. She’ll be able to give you an honest opinion and tell you what your next move is. As one of the guys, you can get along with her bro to bro, but use her hidden tool of “Girl Tongue” interpretation.

Maria Portokalos knows the art of games

Now, I am not saying you should build your relationship on female translations. You only need your interpreter to stick around the first few exchanges, and then you’re free and clear. By the time you get to that stage, you’ll see if New Girl is even worth pursing, and by then she’ll want to compromise with your Bro Code. Your target will be elated that you’re speaking “Girl Tongue”, you will get your next date, and your translator will be kept a secret. That, ladies and gents, is the ultimate game.



PS-Buy your gal pal a damn drink. Not many of us out there are willing to break the Chic Code.

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