An Unsuccessful Pickup Artist

 

This past weekend I was out with my lady friends for a few cocktails and laughs. Whether we got hit in or not wasn’t the issue, but a few free drinks and flirtatious comments couldn’t hurt. Although all single, we weren’t going to step up to the first small town flannel wearing bro. Upon chatting with my girls, a boy came up to me asking if everything was alright. Of course, I was prepped for the pick up line that came with his popped collar. He responded when I asked why, that things looked “tense in my friend and my conversation”.  Surprisingly that wasn’t the pick up line.

He then shouted in my ear “I have a proposal for you. How about we go to the bar and you buy us a round of drinks?”  Shocked by his aggressive and blunt tactics, I politely shook my head “No thank you.” He proceeded to frown and say “Ohh you’re old fashioned”.

Okay Rico Suave, strike 3.

Am I old fashioned? Maybe I believe chivalry still exists somewhere deep in the United States, and that girls should be treated like ladies. BUT, i know obviously there are grey areas. For example , a girl offering to buy a guy a drink. Or, maybe her lying on a bar waiting for a tequila shot licked off her stomach doesn’t instill “bring her home to mom”. But, where did me standing in a trio indicate that I was a Sugar Mama?” I wouldn’t approach a guy to buy me a drink, so where did this jerk off get off on asking me?

Ladies and gents, if you want to talk to an impending target, let me ask you to refrain from asking for a drink. To whore yourself off for $4.75 is cheap and makes you look like a bitch. If you want to go for the funny or dramatic factor, I would highly suggest refraining. Although I understand you want to make a lasting impression, don’t insult them like a fourth  grader who has a crush. First impressions are everything and take a long time to change. You want to impress someone, then make them laugh or have a conversation. Relationships that start in drama don’t get easier, they just get more dramatic.

Xoxo,

AM

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