Ex Sex

“So I cross my heart and hope to die, that I’ll only stay with you one more night. And I know I said it a million times, but I’ll only stay with you one more night”

-Maroon 5

 

Alright let’s talk a little bit about sex with your ex. Yes Maroon 5’s song “One More Night” is catchy, but sex with an ex leads to alot more than just feeling saucy at the end of a song. If you are about to get down and dirty, I know you’ve probably either a) drank your way into making yourself okay with this decision or b) you plan to go all Emily Thorne “Revenge” on that Son of Bitch and show them what they’re missing.

First off…

WHAT ARE YOU DOING? There is a reason that you two broke up. There is a reason you two stopped talking, you might have deleted their number, and your friends might hate your previous S.O. Is it truly because you want to, or because you want to win them back? Most people hook up with their previous exes. Some do it because they don’t want to raise their “Sex Number”, while  others don’t have to worry about the uncomfortable “look at my semi 3 pack” while stripping down to it.

I have seen many cases of the “Oh Ashley, I’m going to be alright” move. You think you’re over it. You think that this will give you “closure”. You want to feel what it feels like, and you hope it’s bad because you don’t ever want it again

…and yet I am still there the next morning with a coffee and a hug (i’m a damn good friend). I digress.

 

So here’s the deal. Yes it’s weird you saw him at his usual bar during Monday Night Football, or WHOA total fate that she was at her Tuesday class on time! If you are ready to mingle horizontally, I need you to ask these questions to yourself:

-Is it because you’re trying to prove that you should have never been dumped?

-Is it because you’re missing some of the hot lovin’ you two shared?

-Is it because you heard they’ve been chatting up a total train wreck, and you don’t want anyone else to get it?

IF you start to think these questions, chances are you’re still clinging emotionally to what once was. Those few and far can “wham, bam, thank you mam” without feeling a tingle of self doubt to why you two ended things. If you still decide to go through with it, just remember that every action has an equal reaction. They might not call you. They might want to get together, and you might find out that you’re just not into it anymore. I am not one to judge. I once hooked up with a guy I used to date just because I wanted to show him what he could have kept. Only, I ended up looking like I was still into it, and he got a piece. Guess we know who won that round.

Lame-o.

I get it, they’re hot. They were attractive to you when they started dating, and probably even more so when you stopped. Absence makes the heart forgive, forget, and say “damnnnnnn” when you see them again. Think about those questions. Think about the results. Text your pals, and be prepared for some blunt truth.

It’ll make whatever Jameson hangover, alcohol cotton mouth, and the burning Walk of Shame either worth it, or glad you didn’t walk down that path.

And if you regret it the next morning, screw it. #yolo

 

….yeah I went there.

 

xoxo,

 

AM

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