Michael Bloomberg’s genius has apparently spread to Washington DC as the District has been debating the issue of the Clean Vision Act in recent city council meetings. The Clean Vision Act, which passed in New York City this year, bans the sale of sugary drinks over 16oz within city limits. I for one applaud this initiative as I also think looking at fat people is totally gross.
Bloomberg has expressed his desire to rid the city of fat people for some time now. His plans started with making it mandatory for restaurants to place the calories of their food options on the menus hoping to make the obese self-conscious enough to move elsewhere. When the Shame Initiative failed to garner the results Bloomberg had hoped for he took more aggressive measures. “The numbers of fat people in New York City saw its greatest rise from 2005-2007 in what I like to call the ‘Post-Friends Era,” Bloomberg stated, “ I want to get New York back to the funny, sleek, sexy image given to us by Chandler, Monica and the rest of the gang. I mean it‘s called the Big Apple not the Big Soda. HAHAHA Am I right or Am I right?”
Fatconomists say they blame the rise of the obese on rascal scooters. “Fat people have always been aware of the convenience of 24 hour fast food that New York offers,” said Bob Fakelastname, “Once Hover Round started making it easy and affordable to get rascal scooters the fat no longer had to deal with the hassle of walking to their cars. They just left their homes behind and scootered here.”
After seeing the results of NYC, DC Mayor Vincent Gray has become obsessed with passing the Clean Vision Act in his own city. A recently released email exchange between Gray and Bloomberg reads as follows:
Ugh, Bloomy. Everyone is on my case about DC’s horrific AIDs rates, crime rates and drug problems, but I just can’t stand to look at one more fat slob… 😦 ttyl
I hear ya Gar bear. How do they expect us to focus on real problems when fat people are so gross.
The Clean Vision Act is on its way to DC and hopefully the world. With great leaders and visionaries like Bloomberg and Gray having to look at fat people might one day be a thing of the past.
**New York Social Status would like to remind everyone that this is a comedic take on an actual issue. We do not hack into politicians e-mails…although tempting**