Like Kissing a Corpse

I picked the title of this article not only because we’re a week exactly from Halloween (my favorite holiday), but in lieu of several (and I mean SEVERAL) encounters in the recent weeks of blind/online dates with bad breath..I decided to write about it. I highly suggest friends that you take a minute and do the breath and sniff test.

Yes, we all know what it is. No, it is not attractive.

I say this not to offend you, but to save you. Let’s say you have an amazing, mindblowing date. It went so good as to call her up, or to wait for his call. Instead, you never hear from them again. You ponder hopelessly on what you did, what went wrong, or what could have been different. Yes, we have gone over the whole “They just aren’t into you”. That’s usually the main reason. But, what if you could have done something to change their mind?

I recently sat down with a perfectly nice gentleman. He was driven, he was dressed nicely, but his breath was terrible. It was so bad, that in fact all I could think about was leaving. I could have been nice and offered a piece of gum, but this guy was laying it on so thick, I think his ego was hindering his sense of smell. His “A” game was telling me how amazing he was, yet all I could think about was worrying a piece of rotting food would come flying out of his mouth. (Gross)  I think I would have stuck around a little longer than one drink if a) he wasn’t so egotistical, or b) he didn’t have a severe case of halitosis going on. And like many of you out there that wonder what you did to not get another date/phone call, he will never know..(unless he’s reading this article, and I am #sorrynotsorry)

As superficial as that sounds, I am all about first impressions. My father always told me to “dress for success”. I think that also pertains to “smell like success”. Think about it. If you are sweaty at a gym, reeking of bad B.O. you’re not exactly in the mood to hug or be hugged. However, if you smell like fresh perfume or manly cologne, it is our natural instinct to be attached to you. You give off the impression that you take care of yourself, and you want to smell good. You are naturally alluring. It subconsciously says “hey I can take care of myself, so obviously I can take care of you”.

We live in a superficial world, and an even more self conscious city. We are constantly under pressure to be thin, look good, dress well. So why, WHY are we going to screw it all up with something distracting like bad breath?


So next time you stop at a Duane Reade, grab pack of Altoids, gum, or anything for emergencies. You want to give off the persona that you have your shit together, and why not start with some good hygiene?




Let’s make NYC smell better than it already does Kids.





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