I Hate Society.

In current why the fuck didn’t I think of this news, Brazil has opened it’s first legal brothel for dogs… Correct, a business established for dogs to have sex. The name of the place is Animalle Mundo Pet and it is an eight story building and they sell things like beef flavored non-alcoholic dog beer and offer services like a dog spa with a Japanese ofuro soaking tub.

The reason I say why the fuck didn’t I think of this is because animal people are assholes. Don’t get me wrong I enjoy having a dog just like most of the people in this country, but I’m talking about these lonely zeroes who treat their dog like it is their lover. The kind of infuriating losers who put stickers on their cars that say things like “all my children have paws” to try to convince the world that they’re completely happy with the fact that they never found someone to marry them before they dried up or become too old for their dick to work properly. The people who feed their cat on crystal plates like in the commercials. These types of animal people are just as pathetic as the people who fall in love with their sex dolls and take them out to dinner and talk to them.  These types of animal people are all over the world and definitely in the United States and they will pay anything to treat their pet like it is king of the world. They are among the easiest people in the world to exploit and I am kicking myself now for not thinking of this idea.

As I read on, I saw more items they sell including beef flavored muffins and “Chic Animale”: a perfume for dogs that sells for, get ready to shit yourself, $40 a bottle. $40 dollars a bottle for fucking dog perfume are you kidding me? I need to figure out if dog sex hotels are legal in the USA and I need to create one. The money that can be made from these pathetic losers is insane. Plus not to mention this is America so I’d probably get a reality show from it along the lines of Cat House on HBO… Although this would probably be called Dog House (I hate myself for making that joke by the way).

The muffins gives me a smile though because it reminds me of the story of a couple who had a pet monkey and released the monkey to an animal habitat when it got too big for their house. The couple decided to bring the monkey cupcakes for its birthday and they started feeding their monkey. The other monkeys of course ran over and were like “give me some cupcakes too” but the couple wouldn’t share because it was only their monkey’s birthday. So the other monkeys ripped the guy’s dick and face off. True story. The moral of it is your pet is an animal,stop acting like it is a human and share your fucking cupcakes.

It is 9:30 am and my day is ruined. I sit here working a desk job while people are getting rich from dog sex hotels, the pet rock, singing mounted wall fish, snuggies and iPad minis. Here is a link to their website if you are planning a trip to brazil and can read Spanish. I hope you all have a horrible day.

photo credit: http://photo.sohu.com/20040818/Img221595325.jpg

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7 thoughts on “I Hate Society.

  1. This article is a huge lie. I don’t know if you are the author of this article or have copied from somebody else. But anyways, this kind of business is illegal here in Brazil and never existed. I can assure you that the Animalle Mundo Pet is an Animal Fertility Center that helps breeder from all over the country with high quality services. You should have researched a little before writing bullshit about what you don’t know. And one more thing…We speak PORTUGUESE in Brazil, not Spanish.

    • Just to make sure you understand the article. I am not writing about a place for humans to go and have sex with dogs, but a hotel that is designed for dogs to have sex with each other. It is in no way a lie… http://www.nytimes.com/2012/11/12/world/americas/animalle-mundo-pet-a-motel-for-tail-wagging-romance.html?_r=0http://www.globalpost.com/dispatches/globalpost-blogs/weird-wide-web/animalle-mundo-pet-love-hotel-dogs-opens-brazilhttp://jezebel.com/5925295/dog-love-hotel-in-brazil-opens-to-much-braying-and-panting … Don’t say I don’t do research. Also, you are correct about Portuguese being the language, I knew that but that is my mistake.

      • My English is a little rusty, but I’ll give it a try. I know you didn’t write about a place for humans to have sex with dogs. That would have been even worse. I didn’t mean you lied in the article, but what is in the article is a lie. You should not believe everything you read on the internet and I’m pretty sure you know that. Last night I sent an email to Animalle Mundo Pet’s customer service who replied me with a copy of a previously released note of clarification regarding their services. It is not in English and if you don’t speak Portuguese, Google Translator will do the work. Here it is:

        NOTA DE ESCLARECIMENTO SOBRE A ANIMALLE MUNDO PET

        Nesta semana, foram divulgadas em alguns sites internacionais matérias sobre a Animalle Mundo Pet no qual é citado o nosso serviço de Pet Motel. A matéria gerou uma repercussão em relação a este tema e, por isto, julgamos justo e necessário esclarecê-lo.

        O foco do nosso empreendimento não é a reprodução de animais, o Pet Motel é apenas um de muitos serviços benéficos que oferecemos aos pets. Este serviço surgiu da demanda por cruzamentos supervisionados pelo médico veterinário.

        Muitas vezes os donos dos pets desejam realizar o cruzamento entre eles, mas não possuem local específico nem condições de monitorar e oferecer a assistência necessária. O Pet Motel existe para suprir esta demanda de localidade, assistência médica veterinária, conforto e segurança. Tudo isto, respeitando sempre o bem estar dos animais. Dessa forma, o termo Pet Motel é apenas um tom divertido para associar o nome ao serviço, que nada mais é do que assistência médica veterinária para cruzamento em local apropriado, confortável e seguro.

        Além disto, oferecemos o atendimento médico veterinário para reprodução assistida. A assistência reprodutiva protege contra a transmissão de doenças e aumenta a chance de sucesso nos cruzamentos. Ela inclui avaliação clínico-reprodutiva do casal, determinação do período fértil da cadela, avaliação da qualidade seminal do cão, inseminação artificial e aconselhamento pré-natal.

        Att,

        Equipe Animalle Mundo Pet

        PS: 1- Here is link to the same note on their facebook: https://www.facebook.com/notes/animalle-mundo-pet/nota-de-esclarecimento-sobre-a-animalle-mundo-pet/250548521728744

        2- Animalle’s customer service email address: contato@animallemundopet.com.br

      • Your English is awesome, seriously. Way better than I could ever attempt Portuguese. I am sorry to have offended you, if you went to the lengths to email the establishment. I think Brazil is a wonderful country and 98% of articles I write are intended to be funny as I am a comedian. Sorry if my liberal use of facts upset you. I hope you continue to read the great content we put out on this site.

  2. Ryan, You have not offended me, seriously! I did not know you’re a comedian and don’t really remember how I got here. But I just reread the whole article and now I see your sense of humor in there. I also read my own comments and noticed I was very rude on the first one, but did not mean to. Sorry for that, I think I got up on the wrong side of bed that morning. And If you ever come to Brazil, just send me a message and I could take you to some nice brothels (for humans) that, unlike the “cathouse for dogs”, are a lot cheaper (but not legal as well). I’ll definitely keep reading your articles.

  3. Mу partner and I stumbled over here comingg from a different web address and thought I should check things out.
    I like what I see so now i’m folllowing yοս.Look forward to going over your web page agɑin.

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