In current why the fuck didn’t I think of this news, Brazil has opened it’s first legal brothel for dogs… Correct, a business established for dogs to have sex. The name of the place is Animalle Mundo Pet and it is an eight story building and they sell things like beef flavored non-alcoholic dog beer and offer services like a dog spa with a Japanese ofuro soaking tub.
The reason I say why the fuck didn’t I think of this is because animal people are assholes. Don’t get me wrong I enjoy having a dog just like most of the people in this country, but I’m talking about these lonely zeroes who treat their dog like it is their lover. The kind of infuriating losers who put stickers on their cars that say things like “all my children have paws” to try to convince the world that they’re completely happy with the fact that they never found someone to marry them before they dried up or become too old for their dick to work properly. The people who feed their cat on crystal plates like in the commercials. These types of animal people are just as pathetic as the people who fall in love with their sex dolls and take them out to dinner and talk to them. These types of animal people are all over the world and definitely in the United States and they will pay anything to treat their pet like it is king of the world. They are among the easiest people in the world to exploit and I am kicking myself now for not thinking of this idea.
As I read on, I saw more items they sell including beef flavored muffins and “Chic Animale”: a perfume for dogs that sells for, get ready to shit yourself, $40 a bottle. $40 dollars a bottle for fucking dog perfume are you kidding me? I need to figure out if dog sex hotels are legal in the USA and I need to create one. The money that can be made from these pathetic losers is insane. Plus not to mention this is America so I’d probably get a reality show from it along the lines of Cat House on HBO… Although this would probably be called Dog House (I hate myself for making that joke by the way).
The muffins gives me a smile though because it reminds me of the story of a couple who had a pet monkey and released the monkey to an animal habitat when it got too big for their house. The couple decided to bring the monkey cupcakes for its birthday and they started feeding their monkey. The other monkeys of course ran over and were like “give me some cupcakes too” but the couple wouldn’t share because it was only their monkey’s birthday. So the other monkeys ripped the guy’s dick and face off. True story. The moral of it is your pet is an animal,stop acting like it is a human and share your fucking cupcakes.
It is 9:30 am and my day is ruined. I sit here working a desk job while people are getting rich from dog sex hotels, the pet rock, singing mounted wall fish, snuggies and iPad minis. Here is a link to their website if you are planning a trip to brazil and can read Spanish. I hope you all have a horrible day.
photo credit: http://photo.sohu.com/20040818/Img221595325.jpg