TMI Facebookers

Alright guys, I am going to go off on a little rant. Not because I am annoyed with someone specifically, but I am hoping that SOMEONE out there will read this who is guilty of what I am about to explain, and that SOMEONE will be forever changed.

….and if not then those who know what I’m talking about can give me a high five mentally.

I have been guilty of checking myself in with friends, posting attractive photos of myself online, and “liking” a cute boy’s profile picture as a way of social flirting. In today’s society, everything is digital. Someone likes your photo, they like your Instagram filter, another explains feelings on Twitter, and we all have a Pinterest page to show how vaguely interesting we are with millions of projects we will probably never do.

However there is a breed out there that take the social media outlet to the next level.

1. Duck Faces

The original Duck Face

The original Duck Face

I can go on and on and ON about the infamous duck face. Ladies, why do you find this attractive? Do you think it gives you the ultimate “I don’t care” look? I can imagine that Joseph Nicéphore Niépce (the inventor of the First Photo..fun fact!) is probably rolling in his grave. Photos originally were for keepsakes. Do you want your future children to see that with you wearing bearly a bandaid up top and think “WOW That’s my mom?”.  Or, that high profile job that you want badly might not take you seriously if your glassy drunk eyes and duck face are all they see. Look at yourself, look at your choices.

2. Song Lyrics

We get it, you have feelings. You have SO many feelings that you want to express to the world how you’re feeling by being ambigious and posting song lyrics. Taylor Swift made her millions through writing those feelings songs. I understand that you want to tell the world that you’re depressed, or so in love, or mad at the world, but why not just say it? You know what they say about people who assume, and you don’t want the wrong person to assume the wrong idea. No, I am not going to waste my probably future arthritis fingers (due to my over texting) to facebook you “what’s wrong hun?”. Either come out with it in a PRIVATE e-mail, or text me. I don’t want to go out of my way and play guessing games when all I see is a Beyonce song with a catchy chorus.

3. Checking In…to Everything

Okay, so you want to show that you’re kind of a big deal. Trust me, I am one that checks in myself. However, I do it because I’m with a group of friends and probably want to remember the cool place and have had one too many cocktails. Also, my profile is on private. As the book “1984” played on the fact that “Big Brother” is always watching you, the idea of constantly checking in yourself from eating dinner to a tampon run at CVS makes me nauseous. Are you just waiting for a stalker?

I knew a girl (notice the past tense) that would check herself into everything in hopes that her crush would want to show up, especially if she checked into places near where he lived. She then became so obsessed with this idea that she would hang out all over Murray Hill, while she lived in the Bronx. Desperate much? I wish I had a better ending of the story where he showed up to a bar, swept her off her feet, and shook the crazy out of her. However, he loathed Facebook and took her overly checking in, as someone who needed attention and the passive aggressive hints were a sign of immaturity. Talk about a backfire.

TMI people.

TMI people.

4. We Are Never Getting Back Together..Like Ever

Okay so you two just broke up. You’re devastated, but cannot be together. You’re going to not only do what you usually do, but you take Steps 1-3 Seriously. You lose 5 pounds, are duck facing (oh no I’ve turned it into a verb) all throughout NYC with your half shut drunk eyes, and are checking into crazy bars to let your past significant other know that YOU HAVE MOVED ON. Then you get even more intoxicated, the realization of lonliness sets in, and you start to throw those damn song lyrics up like no one’s business. If they didn’t want you before, they definitely won’t want you now. You have proved you are too dramatic and too much of a hot mess to be bothered with, and now your friends are starting to hide all your newsfeed.

What happened to the days of being private? Mysterious is cool. I saw an ex after not seeing him for 6 years. We lost contact and I wasn’t going to just throw down my number, my facebook, or anything. I knew if he wanted me, he would find a way. Sure enough, the next day I got a Tweet from him. Yes, twitter. If they’re intrigued, they will find you. The world is way too connected (and I’m from too small of a town for that matter) for him not to find a way to get ahold of me. I didn’t want to give up my number, because he had to prove he wasn’t a douchebag still.  One shout out became two, and turned into private messaging and then finally handing over the number.

…But that’s a whole different story.

Have some damn class and use social media to stay in touch, lightly support each other, and laugh when the bullies in high school get fat.

xoxo,

AM

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