Single On Valentine’s Day?

It’s hard to write about Valentine’s Day and have an original thought as it has all been said before. Single people hate it, men in relationships hate it, and women in relationships pretend to hate it.

Don’t be fooled by that shit gentlemen.

There is no woman on earth cool enough to truly hate the idea of getting free things and dressing up and going to a fancy dinner. The girlfriend who claims she hates Valentine’s Day is the same as the fake trying to be cool girlfriend that says shit like, “I’m actually kind of into girls” and “I’d be in for a threesome.” Then when you say, “well your friend Kelly is kind of hot let’s see if she’s interested” she kicks you in the dick and starts reading all your text messages. Just respond with, “you’re all the woman I need” or something stupid like that and just buy the fucking dinner and jewelry.

Valentine’s Day isn’t going anywhere as it is far too profitable and ingrained in women’s brains as something that matters. I can only try to offer advice as to what to do as a single person on the holiday of “love.”

If you’re like me you treat it as any other day and you don’t understand how being lonely on Valentine’s Day is any different than being lonely on a Tuesday. Just drink some whiskey and listen to depressing music with an equally miserable friend. Discuss life, politics, music, and talk about how boring society has become. It’s really quite fun.

If you’re one of these “go-getters” that doesn’t hate people may I suggest joining a site like meetup.com or okcupid.com and I’m sure they will be listing all sorts of events in your area. Better yet just keep coming back to New York Social Status and we’ll be updating you with the best places to go in New York City. Where ever you find your event just go and stay fairly sober so you keep your composure and try to find your next true love. I don’t follow this advice myself because staying fairly sober is not something I tend to do.

Finally, if you subscribe to the idea that, “a morning of awkwardness is far better than a night of loneliness,” so eloquently stated by the great Hank Moody then get blasted. Get absolutely obliterated drunk walk to the nearest bar find someone sloppy and just get fucking gross with it. Like tell your friends about it three years later because you’re so ashamed of yourself gross with it. Leave before the other person wakes up and get back to your normal life.

No matter what you decide to do I hope it’s entertaining and a great story. Also Valentine’s Day is my Mom’s birthday so happy birthday. Yeah fuck you I’m not all bad. If you do end up having a hilariously awkward or disturbing Valentine’s Day story I would love to hear about it. Email me at ryanh0817@aol.com.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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