Well we know what”s coming: Valentine’s Day.
As a single gal, Valentine’s Day was simply National Singles Awareness Day. The solos of New York City can’t even pass a Duane Reade without the Red, Pink, and White happiness vomit exploding out onto every window. Alright Corporate America, we get it. You want us to spend money on stuff celebrating love. Since our lives are now defined by Facebook relationship statuses and materials, why wouldn’t I want to buy that $10.99 Teddy Bear that I probably will never see again besides when I clean out my closet?
However, this is where you are wrong Duane Reade. No, I am not going into your store because I don’t want to remind myself that I am alone after working the full 10 hour shift and inevitably buying a “fun size” bag of candy that you just “SO HAPPENED” to place next to the counter.
..And that’s why I have yet to pick up my prescription at Duane Reade for the cold I already kicked a month ago. Thank you immune system.
Alright guys, February 14th is fastly approaching. For the solos, yes the day sucks. You watch coworkers get flowers/candy sent to them at their desk, as you mumble something about a fake beau. You could take the route of ordering in, renting a Ryan Gosling movie, and crying over a pint of Ben & Jerry’s. I promise…I won’t judge you.
For the taken individuals, Valentine’s Day sucks too because it puts pressure for the two of you to materialize what you’re feeling. What if I like you alot and I just want to cuddle with you instead of buying a heart filled with chocolate? No, you’re going to get your head ripped off, probably end up sleeping on the couch, and your S.O’s friends will call you an asshole. Why? Because society has made it a big deal. Even Family Guy came out with a Valentine’s Day episode.
Men and women: here’s a piece of advice in the AM. If you are taken, take the presents slow. Don’t overwhelm with gifts, just because you feel it’s the right thing to do/you want to express yourself. This is a corporate economy boosting holiday. One day will not make or break your relationship, nor will it fix something that has to be mended. You should be showing affection every day out of the year, not just one day because society tells you to shout it from the rooftops.
Like most holidays, Valentine’s Day is there to get really drunk and spend time with people you care about. Except it’s completely allowed to admit you’re going to have sex as well.
**Don’t raise your eyebrows at me. There’s a naked man shooting arrows into people for crying out loud.
So Valentine’s Day comes. It also goes too. Hang with friends, your “Winter Buddy”, the cutie at the bar, or even the bartender…again I am not to judge.
Kids, the great thing about Valentine’s Day this year, is that it falls on a Thursday. So I’ll see your hungover ass at work on Friday, and just know that you have the whole weekend to recover/recover your dignity/make up to your loved one/hide in shame.
Last year’s Valentine’s Day involved my single self going to an SI Swimsuit Magazine Launch as I stared at the swimsuit models in shame (I was holding a cupcake and a gin & tonic). I drank my face off with a good friend and proceeded to inhale a chicken parm sub afterwards. Tried to buy Kate Upton a drink (because who wouldn’t?) but she was underage (yeah okay Kate Upton..like you don’t drink). 2012 wasn’t half bad afterwards.