Most of us can relate to Jason Bateman’s role in the movie Identity Thief. We bust our butts to support ourselves and our family that we forget how to have fun. I thank the movie director for reminding me that I only get to live once so here’s my updated bucket list. What is yours?
1. Steal someone’s identity. I live as a goody two-shoes because I am afraid getting in trouble. What if I don’t have to pay any consequences for my actions? I can’t imagine what it would be like to live under a different name and do whatever I want. Just the thought of it makes me chuckle in my sleep.
2. Punch someone in the throat. Hai-yah! I wish instructors taught this technique in a Krav Maga class. It is for the purpose of self defense…or to avoid being caught by the real Sandy Bigelow Patterson!
3. Know every song on the radio. Nothing is more nails-on-chalkboard annoying than knowing every song played on the radio when a driver is trying to concentrate. I personally think this is something very attractive to do. Who knows, I might be the next American Idol!
4. Spend my enemy’s money. We were taught in preschool not to take things that don’t belong to us. Heck, I have no empathy for my enemy! If I have access to his credit card, he should be happy that I am helping him earn his Macy’s rewards!
5. Lie through my teeth. I honestly want to be better at lying to prank my friends. Perhaps I need to take an improv class to catch up to Melissa McCarthy’s level. She got a plate of free food from the waitress without causing harm to anyone. Moral or ribs? I go with ribs.
6. Own several blenders. Don’t ask me why. Why do you buy more than one pair of shoes? I want to use a different blender every day of the week like how someone would wear different accessories Monday through Sunday. Every morning the first thing I want to see are my seven blenders next to each other sparking through the kitchen.