A Potty Mouth’s Potty Manners

Alright ladies and gentleman…

After a short hiatus from “Advice in the AM” (due to my soul being sucked out by the corporate “man”), I am back and here to stay. Instead of instantly starting with a relationship column about how guys and gals should treat each other, I want to take a minute to discuss how EVERYONE should treat each other.

..and the topic on hand is Bathroom Manners.


It may seem like a small gripe or an annoyance, but whether in New York City or in a small town, a bar’s bathroom is a bar’s bathroom. I pity the staff of any establishment, but especially NYC bars, since we tend to get a little rowdier and have one of the largest concentrated populations in the world.

Although I cannot speak for men (although I do have a complaint coming from a man later on), I can speak to all females around the world. GIRLS, we are ladies!

WHY did you puke on the side of the toilet? Did you just pull an Exorcist and have a demon ravage your soul as you ravaged the floor? I can excuse you then. OR are you just an awful human being?

Why did you pee all over the seat and not clean it up? I get it, you don’t want to sit on a germ ridden toilet seat, and don’t feel that toilet paper or those sanitary seat covers are clean enough. We got the leg muscles to prove our squat prowess, and only those with untrained pee power (KEGELS ladies..do your KEGELS) fail. If you miss, clean the damn seat.

WHY on earth would you feel it’s necessary to take your soiled pad and place it on the drink holder for the next victim? I have no words or advice for that. You are a disgusting human being and should not be out in public.


If we are to uphold the male/female separate bathroom situation, then why the hell are we acting like animals? Give a little courtesy and clean up. That bathroom did it’s duty to you, so why are you going to leave it in shambles?  And MEN, use the bro code. If there are multiple urinals available, do not get the one next to another user. It’s rude, and they’ll think you’re checking out their junk.

If you need to check yourself, then you should read this website on Toilet Etiquette (thank you whoever spent life time that you will never get back on creating this site)

FUN FACT: A recent study shows that texting is done alot more in the bathroom than traditionally thought. So next time your hunny can’t call because they are “busy”…I think you should lock that mental image of them doing their business…and probably never try to touch their phone again.


In all, treat your stall with care. Think of the poor bastards that have to spend their 5am cleaning up all the other gross monstrosities other sick drunks have decided to leave behind. I’m a big believer of karma, and this applies for this situation as well. Treat other toilets as you want to be treated. Some get shit on, some are left alone, and some drunk girl is currently cuddled next to it with her forehead pressed against the side. Which toilet do you want to be?





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