Anne Frank Hefner?

As you probably know if you read my piece about the fascist group One Million Moms I tend to despise the PTA/soccer mom personality and this woman in Michigan has done nothing to change my mind about that. Dreadful Gail Horalek has recently filed a complaint with the Northville School District that the unedited version of “The Diary of Anne Frank” is too “pornographic” for 7th graders to read. Now as a 7th grade boy there were many things that used to give me erections, such as:

JC Penny bra ads
-The chick who sat behind me in math class
-The majority of my female teachers
-The vibrations on my bus seat
-For no reason around 8:30 am
Rachel from Friends
-Girls stretching in gym class

The girls stretching in gym class is still a personal favorite of mine, just have to watch from more of a distance these days. But never has the Holocaust gotten me sexually excited. One of the more “shocking” passages from the book that is causing the uproar is where Anne writes about discovering her clitoris:

“Until I was eleven or twelve, I didn’t realize there was a second set of labia on the inside, since you couldn’t see them. What’s even funnier is that I thought urine came out of the clitoris…When you’re standing up, all you see from the front is hair. Between your legs there are two soft, cushiony things, also covered with hair, which press together when you’re standing, so you can’t see what’s inside. They separate when you sit down and they’re very red and quite fleshy on the inside. In the upper part, between the outer labia, there’s a fold of skin that, on second thought, looks like a kind of blister. That’s the clitoris.”

What’s the problem with that? I took Sex Ed. class in 6th grade and was shown diagrams of the male and female anatomy, had to read about how body functions worked and for extra credit my teacher had me stay after school and do jumping jacks in sweat shorts. So I don’t see what the problem is with 7th grade kids reading about someone their age going through the discovery of their own sexual organs much in the same way that they do themselves.

Maybe it’s because of the part of the country they’re from? I mean Michigan is a pretty shitty state. I’ve never been there but Red Dawn sucked so I imagine the whole place does. I don’t get where this uptight attitude towards anything sexual comes from? People are afraid to talk about it or look at it. They raise their kids putting such a taboo on sex and then wonder why once they move out of their parent’s house at the young age of 32 and discover sex they pay some chick named Vixen to put a ball gag in their mouth and step on their balls in 10 inch heels. Repression eventually leads to rebellion and excess. Let your kid learn about sex, let them have a beer or two at the family party. If kids learn that these things are normal and not that big a deal they probably wont go crazy once they start doing them on their own.

And that concludes this week’s installment of “Parenting Advice from Someone Who Hates Kids and Never Wants Them.” Thank you for your time and enjoy your day. And to read the article for yourself go here

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