Old People Are Annoying.

Is there anything more annoying than conversing with an old person or a child? Children are stupid and their stories suck, everyone knows that. But old people for some reason get a pass, we let them drone on and on about how difficult their childhood was. We listen to their word for word recounts of a conversation they had in 1957 with a guy named Cliff that always goes like, “then Cliff says, he says uh.” Enough with the old people respect already. And they pronounce the weekdays like Mundee, Tuesdee, Winsdee…

It is ridiculous that someone who never accomplished anything gets praised just because they’re old. “Respect your elders,” is the popular phrase. But my good people I ask why! Why should we respect our elders? They’re full of shit and they know nothing. All of their information isn’t relevant anymore. They are constantly talking about how hard they had it when they were kids, but us youth need to stand up and say, “listen Grandpa walking to school up a hill is really not that hard.” Old people had it so easy when they were growing up, way easier than my generation has it.

First off, everyone was a farmer back in the 40’s and 50’s so they always had a job. When they did go to college no old person ever graduated back then 200 thousand in the hole. In 1950 tuition, room and board cost about $690 a year which adjusted to 2013 is about $6,000 a year. You show me a fucking university in this country that you can attend for six grand and I’ll write you a check for a million dollars that will bounce.

Minimum wage in 1950 was $0.75 an hour. Which today equals $7.25 and hour, which is what it is in NJ, we’re even there so shut up about how little you got paid. Things were easier back then, it was a simpler life. The average cost of a house was $8,300 which translates today to $80,000. Damn if I could get a house for 80 grand and I didn’t have to live in a rat infested slum neighborhood I would be thrilled! Doesn’t happen for us though.

We are constantly connected with phones, cars, internet, fines for everything, losing your job for saying something inappropriate. Back in 1950 you could slap your secretary on the ass, say “go get me a coffee princess,” and get a promotion for it. They used to drink scotch and smoke all day at work. Nowadays you ask a female co-worker how her weekend was and HR is calling you in and sending you to sensitivity training. I’m not saying those things in the 1950’s were right because they most certainly weren’t. I’m just pointing out that you have no idea what work place pressure is. Workplace pressure in 1950 was your ox got a broken leg so you had to plow a field by hand, boo-hoo. Even doctors had no pressure back then, medicine was so shitty they went into every operation with an “eh fuck it, let’s see what this does,” attitude. And when they killed you on the operating table they went to lunch. Now they’re in court for 6 years and lose their jobs and house.

And most importantly in 1950 all women were naturally curvier, okay guys. So you old men never had to take shit from your friends for banging a fatty. Yeah that’s right. I had sex with a 300 pound girl 6 years ago and my friends still give me shit every single day of my life.

All joking aside though, old people shut it with your stories. No one cares, they aren’t relevant and just because your old doesn’t mean you’re smarter. You don’t gain IQ just because your age increases. Want me to prove it? Anyone over 75 right now go turn a printer on. Do it. How did you get to this webpage? Your 25 year old granddaughter is sick of hearing your shit so she brought you here to read this. Old people can’t do anything that young people can do, but we can do everything you can do! We win. This applies to everyone except my grandparents of course.

5 thoughts on “Old People Are Annoying.

  1. Have experienced the same infact have experienced worse trust me . Like this morning the bath edge had a little dirt and then my old gran just comes shouting @ me . Y I didn’t clean it then I tell her little mistake thn the grounds me for no reason. But if it was with my mum this won’t happen so advice for any one spendind their holiday with ther gran , take it from me don’t dare do it again!

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  3. Dude, old people are pretty effing cool. Just because they came from a completely different time, with a different perspective and awareness does not mean that we cannot learn from them. Sure, they tell the same damn stories repeatedly, but if that’s the worst, then so be it. There are some crabby old bastards and some lovely happy ones. Someday, most of us will be old as hell and if our spouse has passed on and we are the one to survive them, we will want some compassionate patient person around to keep us company, watch a movie, have a meal, etc. Years ago, I worked in a mall in South FL (old people central) and when I’d go to the food court for lunch there would be a ton of old people there. They would spend hours at the mall for something to do and be in free AC. Those old people told me the coolest stories about being in WW II or living in NYC in the 1930’s & 40’s or some story about some crazy thing they did back in the day…..and I LOVED it. They were friendly, kind and always had an interesting story to tell. And none of them complained about how easy we have it these days. They just wanted to chat and be heard.

  4. I agree. I hate talking to old people unless they are smart and active, otherwise they will corner you and go on and on about BS and expect you to listen, be impressed, and care. I used to respect the elderly because they were old. Now I appreciate they are just like any one else out there, just old….Jerks grow up to be elderly jerks. Should they get a free pass because they are old? I think not. MY grandparents were very courteous, police, and respectful — and frankly a joy to be around. They were interested in others, well versed, and relevant. A lot of old people are just fools who were always fools their entire lives but expected to be given a free pass for their foolishness since they are old. I used to indulge stupid elderly behavior, now I conscientiously avoid it.

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