Banksy: Public Nuisance #1

As if New York City needed anything more to be a hipster’s paradise, this month it has been blessed with Banksy. For those of you out of touch with useless information, Banksy is a “street artist” who travels the world and graffiti’s walls. He is for some reason respected as an artist but let’s think about what he really is… a criminal. That’s right a criminal.

He is respected for his art work but all I see is a public nuisance.  He wants to display his creativity and that’s fine, but do it on a canvas and hang it in a museum like a normal human being. Just because you think you have a voice and need to express yourself doesn’t give you the right to break the law and inconvenience people. These assholes who travel around the city he is in trying to get photos of his work don’t stop to think about the guy who has to clean this shit up. They don’t think of poor Cliff who has to tell his wife to put his plate of meatloaf in the microwave because he’s going to be home late, as he has to work overtime scrubbing the doodles of an adult baby off the walls. Seriously, think about if it was your job to clean up after this bothersome ass. Would you like it? No.

If you want to be a respected artist and display your message put it on canvas and have an art show. You didn’t see Van Gogh walking around town in a hoodie spray painting Starry Night onto the sides of restaurants. Van Gogh understood social protocol. Just because you like doing something and think that you deserve to be able to spread your message doesn’t give you the right to inconvenience other people.

I have painted another picture of Banksy, and it isn’t the rebel image associated with him. I bet he is a guy named Ted who works as a systems analyst and gets treated like Milton in Office Space. He goes in every day to work and gets shit on and ignored. He wants to feel like a badass but doesn’t know what to do. He thinks back to his childhood and when his mother used to spank him for being a naughty boy and coloring on the walls. He gets excited. He remembers the thrill he felt when she took the wooden spoon out. He remembers his mother spanking him well into his 30’s. But since she died of a malignant hand tumor from too much spanking he lost the rush he used to get. So now, and since he is from England he gets like 5 weeks vacation a year, he uses his vacation time to travel the world. Each city he stops in he doodles on the walls hoping to get caught and get a good spanking he so desperately desires. He hires S&M hookers to come and catch him doodling and spank him but it’s not the same. The punishment needs to be real. But he has yet to be caught, so he travels, searching and yearning for the punishment.

And that’s seriously all Banksy does, he acts like a child and draws on walls. He keeps his identity mysterious to add to his rebel myth but it just makes him a pussy. If you are going to do something like that show the world who you are. I understand why Anonymous keeps their faces hidden, because they are doing actual badass things that could get them into serious trouble. Banksy is the kind of “badass” who travels around the world avoiding $150 fines. He’s an asshole. Stop making this guy out to be something he is not.

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