Darwin’s Disappointment


On the train last night, I spotted a man wearing shorts in 22° weather, a girl who had never had a snack in her life, and a whole family of gingers. It suddenly occurs to me: we’ve ruined evolution.

With all this advancement in technology, anyone can live! Survival of the fittest doesn’t work if someone can wear flip flops through the snow, then go home to their space heater. That person should die (for both scientific and obvious reasons).

We complain so regularly about the idiots that walk among us, but are the phones in our pockets to blame? A century ago, if you got sick, you kind of just died. If you ate a diet of salt and sugar, you wouldn’t live to see 15 and those genes wouldn’t move on to the next generation. Now, we can eat whatever, get a few pills from the doctor, and live 20 or 30 more years. That’s long enough to spread our undernourished seed and teach it how to live irresponsibly.

Technology also fuels our dangerous vanity. Incidence of new cases of eating disorders has increased every year only in the last century. People are starving themselves just to look a little better. We couldn’t get away with that petty behavior before! Our tiny carcasses would’ve been chased down by rabid buffalo, our brittle bones used for toothpicks (okay, I don’t know exactly what it was like, but you get the gist of it).

The primary problem is that technology is hitting us from both sides. First, it is the reason we are becoming less self-sufficient, less healthy, less motivated: because we don’t have to be better. Seamless can bring us anything that we see a commercial for, so we don’t require any basic survival skills. Then on the other side, technology solves our problems once they get out of hand.

 How-to videos on YouTube show you how to fix anything.

 WebMD tells you what’s wrong and how to treat it.

Problem-solving skills, creative thinking, basic learning, they’re all being lost.


Don’t worry, I’m not hoping for a massive recall on everyone that consistently makes poor choices for themselves. Nature is supposed to do that so we don’t have to. Unfortunately, we’ve replaced nature with iPhones. So, I’m simply suggesting that maybe the Tea Party really gets it: no healthcare for anyone!

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