One of the most popular people of 2013 has been Pope Francis. He even won Time Magazine’s Person of the Year, beating out Miley Cyrus. Which is bullshit, Miley totally should have won based of the fact alone that I never beat off to the pope naked on a wrecking ball… But any who, I don’t like Pope Francis and the reason is because I really like a lot of the things he stands for. I don’t trust it. I feel like I am being duped. First off, he’s a Socialist, which is awesome and secondly he is preaching acceptance of all sorts of people including gays and atheists which was long over due in the church. I started to really let my guard down and admire this guy. But then I stopped and really thought about it and Francis is just a PR stunt.
The Catholic Church Inc. has had a few tough years during the regime of Pope Benedict the Nosferatu faced Hitler youth maniac. The company was failing, all we were focused on was the child rape. No matter what the Catholic Church tried to do all we focused on was forced anal on little boys. So the Church made Benedict resign, and he gave some nice, “I’m too frail for the job” bullshit excuse. And you know it is bullshit because towards the end of John Paul they were holding his head up with a string and had a drool bib around his neck and he rode it out until the very end. They got rid of Benedict, just like every corporation that has a bad period; someone needs to take the fall. Benedict was easy to get rid of because he was a creep and no one ever really liked him anyway. The Catholic Church replaced him with friendly Mr. Francis.
Now deep down I truly believe Francis is a good person. I believe he really values helping people. But I don’t like how his kindness has made us forget what a disease the Catholic Church is. No one is talking about the rapes anymore. Perfect example is that Catholic Priest rape jokes are down 17% in the comedy community alone. For all the good things Francis is doing he is still not turning over rapist priests to the authorities. He is still allowing rapist priests to be protected in the Vatican. Which for some reason the Vatican is its own country, which is total bullshit as well, but that’s another story. All Pope Francis is at the end of the day is a PR stunt puppet. The church found a good guy they could use to soften their image and let us forget about how evil they are. The ideals of the Catholic Church haven’t changed overnight, they are just letting this old fucker babble for a few years until he dies and then they can get back to business as usual.
So this is my petition to you Time Magazine, recant your choice of Pope Francis as Person of the Year and reissue the magazine with Miley on the cover. She is wild, sexy, and gives many boys rods, she is much more fascinating than some old bastard who likes wearing robes.