Birthday Resolutions


Today’s my birthday!

Well, only if you’re reading this article today. If you’re reading it tomorrow or the day after, then it’s my belated birthday. Either way, the occurrence of my birthday means a few things:

#1. 24 years, 9 months, and 5 days ago, my dad was using this line: “You know what they say about men with big hands and big feet? Big shoes, big gloves!” And my mom found that so charming that I guess it was worth getting pregnant for. I guess that explains why I’d rather bang Louis CK than…anyone else in the world.

#2. I’m in my mid-twenties. 24 has been a big deal for many of my friends who’ve hit the marker so many months before me. It’s upsetting to them to say “mid-twenties,” but I’m already aware of the fact that it’s awesome. Mid-twenties is the least annoying twenties age. You are fully rooted in your twenty-somethingness, too wise to be early-twenties and too free to be late-twenties. This fact leads me to #3.

#3. I don’t believe in New Years Resolutions. I do believe in birthday resolutions because they mark something specific for me. Last year I began a birthday resolution that was very simple:

Be as 23 as possible until I turn 24.

That resolution got me a great job, a few interesting nights, and most importantly, got me into comedy. I started stand up this year, pursued sketch by taking classes I didn’t think I was ready for, and started a sketch team I didn’t think I knew how to start.
The idea behind this resolution was simply to live as much as I could this year before I had to live next year. It informed every decision I made this year, and my life went from miserable to unbelievable in just a few months.

At some point, this article stopped being funny. Damn.

This year, I’ll be as 24 as I can, as mid-twenties as I can, and as driven as I can…until I turn 25. Oh shit. 25.

I recommend that you all get a birthday resolution. Mine made two of my dreams come true:

I performed at Carolines


I finally grew into my nose.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s