If you’re in your twenties and have a heartbeat, the chances are pretty high that you have probably taken the walk of shame. Whether in a relationship, “hanging out” with someone, seeing your “Winter Buddy”, or just having a sleepover with a rando, that brisk walk back to your apartment the next day in yesterday’s clothes is what it is. Throughout the years, one of my favorite things to do in NYC is get up early and have breakfast by a window on November 1st. Why? Because that bouncy blonde bumblebee from last night’s romp in the dark looks a whole lot more cartoonish than sexy. Nothing matches my delight of watching the blurry eyed and greasy haired individual’s uncomfortable walk in a disheveled Halloween Costume. For all the ladies that take into consideration how little clothes can you wear on Halloween, November 1st is my personal holiday. I get to watch all of your bad decisions be reflected through the bloodshot hangover eyes, and the racoon smudged style mascara that indicates you did not just fall asleep on a park bench.
This social phenomenon has become so natural to our society, that Hangover/Walk of Shame Shuttles are now being offered for Michigan students thanks to the brilliant mind of Kellyann Wargo. This college student took the idea of the walk of shame, and is offering a personal pick up from your awkward location, along with complimentary bottles of water and a $5 coupon off for Plan B. It’s insane, it’s immoral, and it’s a business idea that just might really work. Kellyann, do you have an APP for that?
But I digress.
The walk or drive of shame is a way of life when you are a twentysomething. Unless you’ve found your S.O. in college or pre city life, chances are you’re a transplant to the city, wandering aimlessly for the right person. However, thanks to society and the new ideals, we’re learning that we don’t have to get that picket fence life right now because it’s left the generation before us divorced and unhappy. We’re so afraid of commitment, of someone shattering our heart, and of getting old that we focus more on “living in the moment” and finding the right one for tonight and not the right one for later. We’re career driven, focused on what’s next, and desperately waiting for that dream job to happen while we’re stuck in a cubicle under synthetic lighting. The best thing about being a twentysomething, is we don’t have to apologize. We’re living in that “sweet spot” of life where we can innocently shrug our shoulders and say that we’re learning, or that we didn’t know. The funny thing is though, we do know.
Years later, you’ll look at these moments in your life and have a great story. How I Met Your Mother has lasted 9 seasons soley based on walk of shames, relationships, and life as a twentysomething. You’ll have your “Ted Mosby” moments to your kids, wishing them the best and hoping they’ll remember a piece of the wisdom you bestowed upon them. Right now, you have to live in order to have them.
SO as a wise twentysomething, I say go out and have your fun. Drink way too many patron shots, hug a toilet, and embrace that Saturday is going to be a hazy day of you lying on a couch. Be safe, and make sure to drop a pin to your friends in case your “bad decision” wants your liver in a bucket of ice.
Oh, and bring some baby wipes to wipe those racoon eyes. You have to maintain some form of dignity, and the subway lighting is NOT flattering.